Finally back on here hahaha not going to blog about my weeks and stuff since I’ve just been working day in and day out. Back to my emo post styles sorry not sorry I don’t blog for you.

Wrt issues with all of you I really don’t know what to do/say. Have talked to jx about this and he’s promised to find out why but I’m pretty scared to know why hahaha. If your aim was to make me feel like a stranger then great job you’ve done it are you happy now?? Don’t know what I’ve ever done to any of you but seeing you guys day in and day out and having to act like all the (unnecessarily) coldness doesn’t affect me is draining; really thought I could not care about this but I guess I can’t hahaha. Wish I had the courage to just go up and ask what I’ve done and what I can do to fix it, but I guess that isn’t what you’re wiling to do is it if not you’d have already done it. Do not understand my gender at all.

You haven’t found anyone you can cherish??? Hurts more than you know hahaha always sucks to think that your feelings are being reciprocated and then realise it isn’t. Then a week after you said that you’ve finally found friends that you can cherish and I guess I’m not one of them WOW thanks hahahaha whatever. Thought after the whole incident w the couple that you’d be more sensitive with your friendships but I guess I was wrong to assume so. At least I still have the threesome to get me through everyday; eternally grateful for them.

Bea texted me during sermon today and I hate how I still care so much about this group of people. Realised that I gave up praying for them because I was discouraged and sick of lack of responses. Slowly trying again, but definitely not for my benefit this time.

Don’t understand why you have so little trust in me hahaha. If you didn’t believe me then why say you do??? Have always been told (by you two and by others) that the worst thing you can do is to let academics define you but oh look now what’s happening ????? Constantly discouraged by your ‘jokes’ and your lack of faith in me how do you expect me to continue going then?? I know that I need to talk to you guys about this but I feel infinitely tired and drained everyday I don’t have the strength to argue with you guys anymore hahaha. Ridiculous expectations you cannot impose your expectations on me we are not the same people so you cannot expect the same from me. May be the most academically inclined one so all the more you should leave me to my studies or at least trust me with it.

32 months and what is there to show for it. Feel like in many things we are drifting apart maybe it’s just hormones talking but idk what to do about this


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