Start

Hellooooooooo!

It’s currently 1220am and I have 2 tests tomorrow and tomorrow is hell day (3 hours of chem 2 hours of math 1.5 hours of physics) but I am still here because I feel a lot of things have happened recently and I wanna blog about it heh. I am currently facing a lot of pressure to update my blog with quality things after Ms Sum (GP teacher) went to XiaXue and BongQiuQius blog and judged them so badly because of superficiality BUT I’m still going to blog about my weeks LOL sorry cher.

The oldest photos on my phone are of Valentines Day so I’ll start with that heh. 13th Feb was my schools Valentines Day and I wanted to keep to Cedar tradition (which was to give gifts/sweets/chocolates/letters) so I didn’t do much work the night before (oops) and started writing letters to people who I wanted to bless. Letter writing is incredibly tiring but incredibly fulfilling as well, I think I’m going to start writing letters more often to people (note to self: reply moses). Went to school the next day and gave out the things I prepared; overused cliche but it’s a cliche for a reason, it is much better to give than to receive. To those who got my letters I hope you were blessed heh.

THE ACTUAL VALENTINES DAY I have to blog about this in case many years down the road I forget about it like how we forgot about last years (although I doubt I will ever forget about it). Purposely went to go buy a dress for this occasion (thx prisla) and I’m glad I did because it was such a small gesture compared to everything you did. The huge bouquet of flowers and the home cooked food and the beautiful location and the planning of it all made me spazz (internally and externally) many many times. But above all the fact that you put in effort to love me in a way I feel the most, for putting aside your own embarrassments/judgements to do this for me, for loving me with so much and so selflessly, I am truly the luckiest girl in the world πŸ™‚

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CNY Performance! The whole journey was just a roller coaster and it was just pretty sucky in general haha. Grateful for the two true friends in dance for dragging me through this entire journey, I wouldn’t have made it without you two so all my gratitude and all my hats are off to you two πŸ™‚ Made amends for the final time after trying, in this aspect I have let go and accepted that it is what it is. Felt 10 times better after writing the letter and after giving it to you, felt like though there were many things in the entire dance journey that I regret doing (e.g making your life pretty shitty), I could leave with a clean slate and an un-guilty conscience (don’t get me wrong this isn’t why I wrote the letter haha).

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CNY itself was pretty fun first time actually visiting a house (LOL don’t judge me and my sheltered life) and the annual steamboat with the 97s~ Won’t go into detail since nothing really eventful happened, but it’s nice to remember tradition.

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Watched the seniors get their results the other day and I felt so so nervous for them when they went up to take their results haha. Felt a lot of pressure and stress on me to do well for next year so that I can get into the courses I want. Am planning my work day by day and actually doing revision now, I really hope I don’t burn out hahaha. Also trying to learn to enjoy what I am learning, but that is proving harder than expected.

Re: issues of the class I really can’t be bothered anymore I’m just going through everyday talking to people who talk to me hahaha. I think at some point I need to go and talk to you about the difference in the way I treat you now, but I will save that for another day when this class issue truly no longer bothers me because if not I’m just going to explode which isn’t good hahaha.

After the whole dance thing I’ve been thinking about the subconscious grudges I’ve been holding on to, it’s definitely toxic now that I see it from another perspective. Really want to learn to let go, and I will do my best to try, and to get people to be accountable for me.

Life is getting increasingly busier though dance has significantly lessened, but with daily tests and tutorials to complete I’m left feeling super tired whenever I get back. Time to go back to the root of my strength and I hope that true this renewed need to turn to the One who will help me through that it won’t be fleeting.

Been listening to a lot of country-ish music recently and this is one of my favourites heh.

 

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