drained

Hey wordpress!!

A short one because I’m pretty tired and I have a few issues I want to talk about (though not in detail) so I don’t want to force myself to write more than I can~

OPEN HOUSE! Open house prep itself was ridiculous hahaha more on this later but at least it was a fairly decent time~ Performed in the morning and my fav churchies came down to support me BUT WE STARTED EARLY so they missed it hahaha I felt so bad because none of them were really considering coming to NY so they really just came for me. Thankful for a supportive bunch of friends who inspire me to live out the edifying corporate life. Walked around the school instead of doing duty (in my defence there were so many people there!!) with jx and had a lot of fun completing one minute challenges and talking about anything and everything. Performed again then had a nice long talk and lepak session with qing wei and managed to dance by myself in the MPR felt so good to express myself with dance, many times while learning steps I forget that dance is also an outlet; felt 10 times better after that even though it was so short and I was attempting (and failing) at contemp.

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Josh’s concert at night nothing else to say apart from I’m incredibly proud of this talented guy and I can’t wait to record with him heehee

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Spending increasing amount of time with josh joel and timo and I am incredibly grateful and blessed to have such good friends

ORD PARADE!!!!! So so so so so proud of him heh and I’m incredibly glad that although there were a few downs in this period army was generally vvv smooth for the two of us ❤ Learnt a lot about what is love and how to love through this tough chapter, for that I’m incredibly grateful.

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Pretty shitty grades despite (sort of) studying for it; majorly disappointed at myself but I need to constantly remind myself that grades do not define me and they are not measures of my self-worth.

I just wished that you guys would have had enough sense to talk to us before making such a drastic and sudden change. I would have thought that an entire year of friendship would have meant enough to you that you would have talked it over with us first. That being said my parents are right and there is nothing that I can/should do to hold you guys back. Above all I’m just upset that their leaving had to be so drastic/dramatic, don’t think we will ever reach a point that a transferral of sorts doesn’t have to be viewed as a transferral. One more year and we’ll see how things turn out and if they work out then they do but I’ve tried and I will continue to put in effort but if it doesn’t it isn’t my fault and I shouldn’t blame myself.

Inefficiency is the number one thing I cannot stand seriously and the fact that everything is always so inefficient makes me so so so pissed off. Step in get scolded don’t step in also get scolded idek. Hypocrisy and ass-kissing on the highest level I thought there was some progress but stupid decisions and inefficiency just reset everything hahaha. So upset that I have to end everything on this note, maybe it’s past horrific experience that has made me so adverse to this style hahaha. Not like I don’t try but it’s really a mental struggle to even execute the steps in the first place let alone to do it properly. Whatever after ranting about it to 2 people I’m just going to take a back seat and do whatever you tell me, one more week and it’ll all be over anyway so just be as inefficient as you want~ And if you feel stressed/feel like breaking down that’s understandable but don’t point fingers because after all you’re the one who accepted the job in the first place. I know I’ve said this before but this time I’m really 100% done I’ve thrown in the towel and I’ll just wait fervently for the end. Despite my love for dance, this was definitely my biggest regret in NY.

Shameless self promotion!!

 

 

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