Caught between a rock and a hard place

Hello haha.

Wow it’s been awhile. I apologise if this blog post doesn’t make much sense because I am both sick and frustrated so I may be incredibly incoherent haha. But a promise is a promise 😉

Recently I’ve been increasingly finding myself thrown into moral grey areas, where it is v difficult to see a clear distinction between what is right and what is wrong,  or situations where either option would land me some serious consequences I’m not prepared to face. Have been struggling with myself on many of these issues lately, especially the one that happened yesterday hahaha sigh up till now still am not content with what I chose to do but I know had I chosen to do something else I’d regret it just as much, just in a different aspect. It’s been challenging me a lot lately, making me think of what I stand for and who I really am, in the process finding out more new things about myself, which I may not particularly like haha. Situations are true tests of the kind of person you are, (which to me is one of the only things that count), and I am failing pretty badly I think haha sigh. Being in this culture has subconsciously changed the way I think about things/the decisions I would have made, and not for the better either. Words cannot describe how much I wish I could get out of this place, but I have a feeling the working world wouldn’t be that much better either MAXIMUM LEVEL OF SIGH why can’t I just be a child forever.

Just because you’re put into a position of authority doesn’t mean you’ve automatically gained the respect of other people. A leader is one who is always constructive and never destructive, and one that commands respect from all the other people because of their attitude/the way they do things/the way they say things (and to an extent the things that they say). In all aspects, I don’t consider any of you to be true leaders because in no way have you commanded my respect in all these aspects. I honestly don’t even know how you guys got the positions hahaha but I’m just saying (if any of you read this) that ya’ll are gonna have to try 100000 times to gain the respect of your people before anyone actually follows you willingly, because I sure as heck am not going to because I have  no respect for you guys.

Bad start to the morning, sick and tired, chem spa, math lecture test, a full day and brain that is constantly trying to rationalise the choices I have made, today was probably one of the worst days in my whole JC life thus far hahaha. Whatever it is, thanks for being around me and listening to me today heh although my form of affection is by hitting you, thanks for tolerating me today joon shoon 🙂

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