One year on

Dear grace,

Life has been extremely challenging since your demise. I haven’t rly been able to sing happily for a long long time because every time I sing I think of you. I know people tell me to think about you fondly, cherishing all the memories I had with you, but honestly when I think of you I can only think of regret.

I regret not being a better friend. I regret not visiting you when I had the chance to. I regret not talking to you more not asking you about more. I regret not covering songs with you, for brushing you off quite occasionally, for not praying hard enough, for not doing enough. And I’m sorry. This is more than a year late but grace I am truly sorry for being such a shitty friend, a stark contrast to what you have always been to me. Thanks you for always listening to me, thanks for always being so strong listening to my mundane problems, thank you for being the first to text me, though it should have been the other way round. Thanks you for not ‘giving up’ on me.

Life without you has it’s challenges of course, and so many many times I wish you were here by my side, helping me through and encouraging me. I know you are, up there in heaven, but I miss your physical presence so much grace. Your smile was infectious and your voice would make anyone light up, and I miss it so much.

I don’t know how to deal with this pain I don’t. I don’t know how to keep being strong I don’t. Lol I am sitting in a playground typing this and crying hahaha. I don’t know where to find strength to keep going grace. I need you and I miss you.

Ollie says today is a day of strength and not a day of tears, but it feels like everyday is a struggle to stay strong already, and I cannot anymore. I miss you grace more than you ever know.

I did a cover of officially missing you, our song as you coined it. It was an impulse cover, much like how most of our covers are like that. I covered in on my phone without any editing or any vocals, just raw and pure like how we used to do it. Throughout the song I always feel like something is missing, and I already know it is you. I miss you. So much. I’ll do another cover next time, one with your part too, hopefully I would do you justice, although no one could.

I am struggling to stay strong through it all grace, but I do not have your strength. I know you are watching over me, and for now that is enough to keep me okay.

Love you always,
One of your best friends.



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