Hello there impatient viewer, this blog post is for you!
Life generally hasn’t been very good the past few weeks, but I am grateful for people that help me make it through. The death of my grandfather (coupled with grieving for Grace of course) has been difficult for me to take, and has had me questioning a lot more about love and what love is worth etc. I don’t really have a definite answer yet but somehow looking at both their lives and seeing how much they’ve impacted me/the other people around has showed me a glimpse of how much love is worth, so I am trying to love people better heh. The past week really has been very very very draining; 3 lecture tests this week and rushing PI, among other homework and was partially sick the whole week haha. Next week isn’t going to be much better though, 2 tests, PI deadline and 2 other important things due. Literally so drained everyday sigh need to go back to God for my source of strength and comfort. JC life has been very difficult for me because I usually pick concepts/topics up really really quickly, so lagging behind always makes me panic. Now I can’t grasp things at all (brain is still stuck at chapter 2 when we are alr finishing chapter 5 lol) which gets me really panicky and I can’t study when I get panicky and that gets me panicky etc etc haha. Sigh. Questioning why I am even studying in the first place and why I am in jc hahaha.
I am thankful for a lot of people who have been cheering me up though. Here is a shoutout to Javier for coming by my house and talking to me and whatsapping me immediately after I tweeted something sad today. Shoutout to #teamnutsackz for being so weird and crazy and making me forget about a lot of my problems in school. To Jun Xun and Yu Peng and S Ho and Joee and team nutsackz for sending me their unglams/weird shit on snapchat that always makes me laugh. To choong and samantha for being so weird and quirky and just amazing friends. For my lovely teammates who keep me laughing.
Have been finding solace in a lot of my school people as opposed to finding solace in my churchies; most likely because I haven’t really been spending a lot of time with them hahaha. This week hasn’t been easy on you either, and that makes it doubly hard for me, and this week was shitty enough as it is.
When you have expectations of someone who you don’t know yet and you spend all day and all night dreaming about this person, then the person who comes along is completely different from what you expected, not necessarily in a bad way of course. But there are superimposed expectations, and I can’t help but feel disappointed many times.