Looking back, Looking forward

HELLO WORDPRESS it has been a while haha have been wanting to blog for the longest time but haven’t been able to kick my inertia and make it happen but now I am waiting for my show to load so why not~ this is supposed to be a blog post about this year (2014) but I haven’t finished blogging about what happened last year so this post is gonna be crazyyyy long I don’t blame you for not reading it all through.

After my trip to Cambodia I came back for a one day break and then immediately got thrown into camp. This years camp was a disappointing one I must say, the games and sermons fell short of my expectations, but camp isn’t about the games or the sermon the camp is about God. And this camp also I felt was a lot about the people. Made closer friends (bcuz everyone is sort of my friend alr in frontline HAHA) and I hope that this year the friendships will continue to grow and I can watch little annoying sec 1 boys grow deeper and deeper in God’s word! On a spiritual level it didn’t really hit the spot though, I was expecting much more to happen haha. But on that note, I am learning to seek God more actively as opposed to passively, and to seek Him in every little thing. Be it sitting on the toilet checking my instagram feed or lying in bed like this blogging. Am becoming more and more wary of over dependance on huge events like camp and ignite to fulfil my spiritual needs, and this will be especially good for me this year as I enter into the post sec jc cg where your own spiritual life is yours to own and yours to keep accountable to. Didn’t learn much from the sermons which was rather disappointing but still as always I managed to get a strong takeaway from camp, and for that I’m grateful. Felt like my attention was spread too thin during camp though so I compromised a lot on friendships; despite having both Ollie and Bea in my camp group I often neglected them for worship duties or for trying to serve others, and constantly neglected my batch as well. Not to mention my camp group too hahaha barely got to talk to them properly and find out more about them. For me the friendships forged during camp was very touch-and-go because of my commitment to each of them, and also because I am vvvv comfortable with the batch and am scared to spend too much time out of them with the fear of them feeling like I always pangseh them (which is partially my fault also for allowing that to happen a lot this year). Very grateful for the presence of the 5am group haha (darren ethan lionel pris alex) they made the last night of camp extremely enjoyable.

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Right after camp went to Bali heh. It was suchhhhhhh a lovely holiday all the slacking and the nuaing by the beach, and new adventures and thrills like the white water rafting!! Lots of good food too but all so oily I really need to exercise. Great trip with great company, didn’t realise how much I truly missed the brother’s presence during holidays until we had a family as a whole family again.

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After that christmas service in church with the lovely batchies who all wore white bcuz queen steph said too heehee yay.IMG_1813

Went to Malacca after that for a short trip with the extended family where I bought many many many things BUT IN MY DEFENCE THEY WERE ALL CHEAP so there.

Looking back 2013 was probablyyyy one of the worst years in my (extremely short) life, mainly because of the whole Grace thing. Up till now I still miss her crazy loads and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Many many regrets surface and fade but never truly disappear, and I’m sure will haunt me for a crazy long time. O’s were also this year, and I genuinely felt that I screwed up O’s sooooo badly hahaha the other night I dreamt that they had to create a whole new grade for me (H) because I just did soooo badly for my higher chinese an F wouldn’t suffice hahaha. Extremely scared for results that are coming out next week; would like to say that I’m entrusting my results and my future school to God but I know I cannot say that. Academics has always been the area that I cannot seem to completely surrender. Anyway, 2013 has indeed brought about many many many tears of grief and of stress and of distress and other things I care not to mention. It has also been the year that has probably grown me up the most and taught me the most things especially especially post 6 may. The strength that I now know I possess probably wouldn’t have come about without the whole Grace episode, so although I’m so so so glad that 2013 is over bcuz of how shitty it has been, I’m grateful for 2013 as well for the lessons it has imparted to me. I know you would have been proud of me Grace.

Looking forward to 2014, I know it’s going to be another challenging year. Going to a JC and facing the different culture will be difficult, but hopefully not unpleasant. After 10 years of being a girls school now I need to start to handle being in an environment with guys every single day, and a life probably surrounded by guys if I choose to take PCME (which I am v inclined towards). Guard has to be super super up at all times (just for precautions sake tho, I don’t believe I would do anything even if it weren’t up). Grandfather is also down with cancer and I need to be prepared for his departure this year. Am extremely grateful that his departure didn’t come last year which was what we all thought it would, I don’t think I could handle 2 deaths in a year. This year also I enter the post sec CG and will be separated from quite a few of the 97s which I’m not looking forward to, but keeping an open mind about post sec because I believe that it can be beneficial, but only if you are willing to be open about it. I am very very very wary of making new year resolutions because I’m a person who has to achieve something once I put my mind to it, but this year I did make some new years resolutions heh. I think last year I didn’t achieve almost all my new years resolutions because I wrote it down on a piece of paper and passed it to Ben for safekeeping along with the rest of my cg and didn’t get to see it till this year and only then did I remember what I had planned to do. But I will set it here for my reference everytime I need it and hopefully I will achieve my new years resolutions!! So without further ado

Stephs New Years Resolutions 2014! 🙂 

1. BE NICER TO PEOPLE. Especially Jeremy and Ethan ahahaha. Also part of being nice to people is to not judge them. Stop being so judgemental.

2. KEEP MY GUARD UP. No matter what. No exceptions.

3. ENJOY LIFE. JC1 will indeed be different and of course difficult, but count your blessings all the time as Grace has taught you, and enjoy life in whichever school you get into, EVEN IF IT IS NOT RAFFLES. (pls let it be raffles)

4. RESPECT MY ELDERS although I may not necessarily agree with them. This includes not just parents, but ministry and core leaders as well.

5. (try to) STOP BEING SO INSECURE. No one is perfect, and you shouldn’t expect yourself to be. That doesn’t mean don’t try to be a better person though.

That’s all for now I guess, because I don’t want to put spiritual goals/exercise more under there bcuz I’m scared to make spiritual goals for the year, and because I probably will continue my piggy ways and not exercise a lot. Ahaha. That’s all I have to say for now, and if you have read through the whole post I salute you. And I love you. Heh.

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