Haven’t blogged in a really long time hahaha hello everyone who reads my blog I have an average of 5-14 viewers everyday please tell me who you are mysterious readers (idk why you’d even read my blog though it’s super uninteresting hahaha). Life has been quite normal I guess, pretty mundane and all with the holidays now I’m just eating and sleeping.
Was talking to the very knowledgeable chinese tuition teacher today about people and their intentions. Why is it that our natural reaction to a persons good act is to question their intention? For example a friend of yours who’s never been close asks you out for coffee to get to know each other better. Do you go ‘oh yeah sure that’s great I’d love to get to know you better :)’ or do you go ‘Why’. Is it stupid to assume the best of people, would that count as being naive? But on the other hand wouldn’t it be unfair to the other party to always be wary of everything because you’re questioning their intentions? And I’m quite sure you can’t act normally while questioning the other persons intention because what you’re thinking of is reflected in your actions haha. Also because of this wariness and this perspective does that mean that our society is a negative thinking one? Isn’t it sad that people can’t just do nice things for the sake of doing it without getting their intentions questioned? Just a thought I was dwelling on today~
It’s been slightly more than a month since Grace has passed on and I don’t cry about it anymore. Of course I do still think about it (what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t) but I think I’ve gotten to the stage where I’ve just numbed myself to emotions already. Unfortunately though I know this isn’t the right way to deal with things; and a side effect of being numb to this is being numb to a lot of other things which isn’t good. Oh well. Still I have one thousand regrets concerning Grace though. I think the reason why me (and probably many other people as well) don’t have closure is because we all wished we had done a bit more, known her a bit more, have been with her a bit more, talk to her a bit more, encourage her a bit more. I remember last year when things were happening I was so wrapped up in my little bubble I was probably the worst friend ever not really talking to her very often, only asking her about her wellbeing when something really serious came about. In the christmas card I wrote her at the end of the year I praised her about her strength and I also apologized for being a shitty friend and promised to be a better one in 2013. I guess I became a slightly better friend than I was last year, but I guess never fulfilled the promise of being a better friend to her. What tears me up the most is that the phrase ‘You never really know a good thing till it’s gone’ was so real to me and I hate it when that happens because I like to think I appreciate the beauty of things and of moments in those times before they become memories. Now all I can think back about is how I wish I had done this and I wish I had done that but I try not to dwell on it so much because once I’m done thinking about all the things I wish I had done I remember I will never be able to do those things again and that cuts me up urgh. So enough about Grace (okay for now only honestly don’t think there can ever be enough about grace).
On a happier note, the wonderful parent that is my mother got me a (sexy) macbook pro to replace my old (lousy) acer and I love this laptop it is so fast and easy to use and ohmy it is so sexy ahahahaha okay such superficial reasons to pay a lot of money but whatever it was relatively cheap and came with lots of free stuff so yay for me ^^ Till next time 🙂