Today marked the last day of Review of papers for Prelim 1 and I have very mixed reactions about my results heh. Achieving an l1r5 of 17 and passing every single paper is nothing but God’s grace, given how much I was grieving for my Grace. Still cannot shake off the feeling that I’m a failure though because of my failure to meet up to my own standards for myself, and to the standards that others have set for me. As much as I tell myself and other people tell me that grades do not define you, I cannot help but measure my success and achievements by my grades. And because of this struggling to give God the glory and rejoice in my results because it was truly unexpected because of the events that had occurred the week before my prelims.

Speaking of achievements today I attempted to start on my testimonial and failed really badly. Feel like everything I have done in Secondary School hasn’t really been anything at all; the hours I put in on things don’t seem to surmount to much and all the leadership boards I’ve been part of have not really done anything for me. Looking back it feels like I wasted a lot of my time and energy away on these, and I come out with really nothing to talk about and no achievements to my name. That in itself, should not be a bad things because grades and achievements do not define me, but there is an empty hollow feeling when I look back to my almost 4 years here in Cedar and realize I haven’t really done anything but oh well~~~~~

In other news stole the huge screen in my brothers room to use the laptop and (omg so distracted didn’t get any work done at all sobs) went to relive all my childhood memories and listen to all my songs feeling very nostalgic hahaha missing all my primary school friends that I did crap with and in the midst of reminiscing also missing grace.

I remember 2011 Christmas she baked me some food and she wrote me a mini card that said “Merry merry Christmas Steph! You are truly the awesome-st 🙂 Stay awesome! Love, Grace.”

No grace, you are truly the awesome-st. And I miss you.


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