inadequate

It’s been a difficult week, what with struggling to stay strong (for myself and for her) through finding out about Grace’s cancer relapse, her operation and her struggling to keep fighting and to recover. Also finding out that my grandfather most likely has cancer (and is currently going through multiple scans) isn’t easy to cope with, on top of my disgusting pile of work to do. Been having constant bad days and struggling with the amount of rest I get since as much as I sleep, I don’t feel at all rested when I wake up the next day. Life has been sucking so far, and I doubt it’d get any better, but it really is about attitude and the way you choose to see the good things in life (while not blatantly ignoring the bad of course) that is really important and that can really determine whether a day is good or bad. So one of my resolutions for this year is really to TRY and face every (shitty) thing with a positive attitude because really God won’t give you something that you can’t handle, and if life feels like shit all the time sometime well just surrender it to God eh?

On that not so relevant note, been finding myself constantly stricken and worrying over my adequacy, or rather lack of it. Do not feel like I’m good enough to do many things and yet I am there doing the many things I told myself not to do. Constantly feel like I’m going to do a worse job than other people/struggle through and produce crap and hence turn down things because really, who am I to screw things up for other people. But really surrender my talents, skills (lack of talents and skills I mean) to God let’s see Him do something in me and use my worthlessness in a way that I would never imagine, and for that I am (quite) excited for the future.

SPA in 2? weeks time and feeling the pressure of O levels already although IT IS ONLY JANUARY need to take precautions to ensure that I really don’t burn out by the time O levels starts (if I do I will just sob and sob and sob). 6 points is good, 7 points is acceptable. 6 points is good, 7 points is acceptable. I will just work my hardest and do the best that I can and hope for the best and whatever it is all glory to God.

Current (and long time) favourite verse:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purposes.

Romans 8:28

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